ok, here’s the deal.
I worked my hiney off to get my website and business launched for months. MONTHS. It nearly drove me crazy. To honor that accomplishment, I flew off to Costa Rica to dance in Celebration. To explore and honor my Wise, Wild and Free self! This trip was the epitome of what Wild Blue Living is about. Doing something that makes your soul shout YES and dance among the stars…
My plan: to blog about it as I was there. Not daily mind you, but at least 2-3 times.
The reality: I didn’t do it.
I didn’t freakin’ do it.
Why? Lots of reasons. Like sunsets. and fabulous new companions. And aching muscles. And howler monkeys that awoke me each night on the coast. Not to mention the wild winds that almost blew my cabin apart on the mountain. So many reasons, many stories – some of which I’ll write about later…
But for now, it’s confession. Just between you and me, I was too busy LIVING my wild blue life and simply BE-ING in it to connect outwards with the electronic world. With you. I would post an occasional Facebook post or picture… but primarily, those two weeks were all about ME.
Recuperating from the stress I’d created in launching. (I’d be damned if I was going to go on a celebration trip without actually launching)! All that self induced anxiety had repercussions – in my body, in my mind, in the whole of my being really. I didn’t realize how much.
Midway through traveling to Costa Rica, as I sat in the Miami airport sipping green tea at Sushi Maki, I heard these words: “Nurture. Nourish.” What?? In that moment I realized this trip was not only about celebration and kudos, but about nourishing myself, learning how to nurture myself. I found it rather comical how literal the message was as well. I was sitting down to eat… NOURISH.
Well DANG. That is one tall order for this gal. Some folks think I do this easily, however, they truly couldn’t be more wrong. They observe my actions, doing a lot of fun things, true. They hear speak passionately about following your heart, true. But very, very few are privy to the shadowy inner workings and harsh judgments of this crazywhack mind of mine. Very few know the almost incessant pressure I feel, to be of value, of service, of significance to the world. To Do Something Worthwhile With My Life. And so I push, relentlessly – always learning, always improving, always doing, always TRYING.
always. trying.
Yup, I’m that gal, The Striver. And to make it worse, I preach ease and grace and flow. And Play. And Be-ing.
h.y.p.o.c.r.i.t.e.
We’ve all heard the adage “we teach what we have to learn”, and that is sweet honey Truth for me.
So, in those two weeks, I took it on to Just Be. To relax. To learn how to relax! To see where it led me. “NOURISH and NURTURE” was my mantra…
Nourish.
Nurture.
At the first evening ceremony, each woman chose a card from the pile, choosing that one that called most to her. When I turned mine over, and saw Maat-“Fairness. The situation will be handled in a fair and just manner”, I tried to think about how this card related to my life at this time. Nada. Couldn’t see it. But we were sharing with a partner, so I looked as my partner, turned hers over. “Oonagh – Easy does it. There is no need to hurry or force things to happen. Everything is occurring in perfect timing.” WHAT!!!?? That was MY card. I knew it in less than a heartbeat. And my partner exclaimed about Maat – “that’s mine!”. We switched our cards, trusting ourselves and our knowing, and went on to deeply share about how each of these cards was perfect for us at this time. Oonagh, reminding me to slow down, to nurture, and trust in the timing and rhythm in life
Each day nourished me through different gifts. Sometimes, it was rising earlier than the sun with the howling monkeys, scribbling my heart onto the paper or capturing the beauty of a sunrise through my lens. It was choosing three, yes three, massages in a week. It was long walks on the beach and a smoothie mid afternoon. Once it was honoring my need for silence and skipping our evening ceremony, falling fast asleep before 8:30, arising the next morning a new woman. Another gift came in choosing yoga on a stone path, warm rocks and sunshine instead of a wild adventure through the cloud forests on the highest, longest, badassest zipline in all of Costa Rica! Choosing care of my body instead of an adventure? Unheard of!!
But overall, it was being unplugged. From time. From others expectations. From anything that was not a resounding yes! It was about being on a digital detox. NOT writing to tell anyone anything. Not contacting anyone. My fears of (deep breath) “oh-my-goodness-I-have-to-blog-now-that-I-have-a-blog-because-how-will-it-look-to-launch-a-website-and-then-leave-and-waste-all-the-forward-momentum-and-excitement-of-the-launch-and-then-everything-will-be-for-nothing”?
I didn’t care.
Ok, I cared a little.
But the lesson of nurturing and nourishing was the Bigger Something for me. The fear and “what if” became smaller and smaller as I lived into that mantra. Nourishing myself. Nurturing. Healing. Be-ing…
On the last day of my trip, I caught myself sauntering.
Yes, sauntering. Slowly even. Anyone who has ever walked any where with me knows that I do NOT saunter. My natural pace is fast! But after those two weeks with my mantra, I came to the place where There Was No Place To Get To. Just my feet touching the earth. People passing me by and my heart enveloping the sky…
Sauntering. Nourishing. Nurturing. Noticing.
Dawdling.
And THAT is, indeed, Wild Blue too…
Tell me about how you nourish yourself already… but especially how you feel drawn to nurture yourself even more… what can you do (or not do) to give yourself some goodness?
Great post. Love your story. I like how you and your partner were able to just switch cards because you knew it was what you needed, because you aren’t required to play by someone else’s arbitrary rules and you trusted yourselves. Yay! You got the lesson/encouragement you needed in the moment.
In THIS moment, allow me to add that Maat, the Egyptian Goddess does indeed represent justice and fair play. However, this is the outwardness of something much deeper. Maat is about rightness (but not opposed to wrongness); she’s about the cosmic order, balance, truth that all creation stands upon and comes from. Her duties include laws and such, but duty is something we do, not who we are – but our duty comes FROM our nature. In Ancient Egyptian tradition It is the feather of Maat in which the heart was weighed against in the balances. So with that deeper layer of understanding Maat – I can also see exactly how she was right for you at the time too but perhaps more now – in retrospect. Perhaps in order to get to the heart of YOUR nature, it required the “duty” of nourishing and nurturing. Perhaps the distinctions cannot be made…
As for dawdling…. I can totally understand. I live a life on the road. It’s not busy, but it’s always new and I find that I don’t want to write about my experiences so much as I thought I would – I just want to have them. Perhaps someday I’ll write more – or perhaps that’s just a fairy tale. I nourish and nurture myself by allowing myself to just be what I am and do what I do. Whether it’s Facebook, a walk, playing with the pets I take care of, listening to birds, breathing, sensing – there is SO much in a given moment and that’s even before DOING much….
And congrats on completing your webpage. I’ve begun three, and finished none – but I’m all gungho when I first begin! It’s MUCH more work than I ever imagined – and that’s with all the tools, templates and software these days that make it easy!
Thank you Debbie! for the thoughtful reply, for your revealing and sharing, and for your education regarding Maat! I appreciate knowing more about her and all she represents. Perhaps it was duty to myself (the nurturing, as you pointed out) within the cosmic order. Balance is always a learning place for me (Libra rising)…
In regards to your own “dawdling”, how perfect that you are allowing it! because, you as noted, you are just be-ing. and frankly, that’s where it’s at! whatever this IT is! LOL. 😉 truly, beautiful that you can be in that space, noticing what is. appreciating all that is, in each moment. That’s presence. THAT’S the “it”… and as more and more people are able to be present, the greater ease and grace of life. Thank you for being – who you are and in how you’re showing up in the world, Debbie. blesses us all!